Can u hear me?

Do you want to know one particularly nasty myth that keeps most couples and families from experiencing the tremendous benefits of effective communication?Somewhere along the way, we've come to believe that real communication occurs when we understand another person's words. But true communication usually doesn't occur until each person understands the feelings that underlie the spoken words.Suppose a wife says, "I really don't think our kids should go to public school. I think we should homeschool them."Carefully consider those two sentences. The wife used no feeling words, but all thinking words. So if her husband replies, "So what you're saying is you don't think our kids should go to public school," he's completely missed the point. He's accurately reflected to her the words she just spoke, but he remains completely in the dark about her real concern.But what if he listens for the emotions beneath the words? What if he says, "What you're saying is you feel really concerned about our kids"? Presto! This time, he's "got it." He's tapped into her real concern—her fear for their kids. Asking just that one question in order to discover true understanding will revolutionize your communication.People generally feel more understood, cared for, and connected when the communication focuses on their emotions and feelings, rather than merely on their words or thoughts.
Dr. Gary Smalley.